Material benefits and more...

What do women want, from their men, from all men? What do I want? Nothing much, nothing impossible, just a short listing here below....
1. Do not judge us by our cup size and we won’t make your size an issue either.
2. We will not excuse you for your dull conversation and un-laughable jokes just because you are good looking.
3. Give us our space in bed and do not jump our bones after ignoring us all week!
4. Do not expect us to live on lettuce leaves. Accept us with all our curves, bumps and dimples!
5. Love our children forever or bear the consequences.
6. Shower us with gifts! We can provide you with a list of preferred brands.
7. Accept that we too are tired by the day’s end. And we have to get dinner out yet.
8. Consider us when you download your playlist. We outgrew rock and roll with our headbands.
9. We dislike conversation that contains numbers and letters that we do not immediately recognise. MP3, 3G, do not impact our lives. Though Siri now is another matter.
10. Leave us alone!
11. Love our girl gang to bits.
12. Admit that we need more closet space.
13. Appreciate our new handbag that costs a bomb and surprise us with the matching footwear that we love.
14. Be handy with a mop and brush. We expect you to set the washing machine right when it breaks down.
15. Admit that we do not ask for much more than love, consideration and a few material benefits and provide us with it all!
- SHIRIN MEHTA

Love me as me

Do men ever, ever understand what women want? Or to tell you the truth, do we women ever understand what we want? At sweet 16 life is a rosy haze – where our wants are dictated by our loves (or should I more rightly say, lusts?) and a girl follows where her heart leads. Years, marriage and kids later, we have come into our own, are comfortable in our own skin and definitely know what our hearts desire. Nothing much, nothing that money and a man or perhaps we cannot get! So, what I want are people who love me – unabridged, unadulterated, undiluted. So, here goes...

Love me, love my space: After all these years of two-getherness, I value my space – be it in the bedroom, the living room, the kitchen or the car. So, I want to be left alone but only when I want to be alone. At other times, leave me alone at your risk and face the consequence. But after some me-time, you will find that I am not bad company when I surface.

Love me for what I am: After years of trying to be someone I wasn’t, I finally grew to love myself. So what if I am 40-plus and not likely to burn the next pin-up calendar? I want the man in my life to love me for what I am – my hearty laugh, pleasantly healthy frame and a yen for the impossible.

Love me, love my fantasy: My ultimate fantasy is a luxe Swiss chalet, up in the mountains, smoke wafting out of the solitary chimney – a Persian carpet in front of the fireplace, with a rocking chair to spend hours in. Not to forget the cups of hot chocolate, crispy lobster on a plate…and a murder mystery to make the hours seem like seconds. And, of course, a man to guard the house.

Love me, love my mess: Back home, my clutches are hurled amidst piles of clothes in the wardrobe, after evenings out. My danglers dropped swiftly into locked drawers before I crash out on my bed that has been readied by the 12-hour maid. Till the next time I want to venture forth to a breezy night with friends. Did I mention that important papers find their way into my kids’ drawers, the study ones I mean? When I holler for them, they just find their way back to me via my young guns.

Love me, love my Breezers: The only alcoholic beverage I will sip – and that too only once in a blue moon.... You can blame the fashion team at work for my quasi addiction. And that’s why my friend who loves me gifted me a ‘six-pack’ on my last birthday. Gal power, indeed!
- SHRADDHA JAHAGIRDAR-SAXENA

The gift

Turning on the idiot box post a long day’s work, I see this commercial that shows a pregnant woman waking her husband up in the middle of the night asking him to show her an old episode of her favourite Hindi soap. Flipping channels, I am bombarded by sari clad, heavily accessorised mothers-in law inflicting misery on their docile bahus (almost always without the knowledge of the ever-so-busy husband). On another is a ‘reality show’ which is showing two women indulging in a cat fight, hurling more than just abuses at each other, while the men watch with deliberate helplessness. I frown. Is this just the media stereotyping us? Or is this how we really are? Does nothing make us happy?

Each one of us at some point in our lives has been referred to as complex, confused, insatiable or demanding by our male counterparts. So what is it that we want? I have almost reached a point of self-loathing when the phone rings. My favourite brand is on sale. I am happy.

That’s how simple we are, I think. And no I don’t mean that we are materialistic, but the smallest of things make us smile. We like surprises. We like gifts. We like attention. We like men who like us, even when they see us with hair rollers and without make-up. And no, we are not on a mission to make your lives miserable. We just want to love and be loved back with the same reverence. Simple, right! Wait, did I mention the gift bit earlier?
- SHIRIN SALWAN

A pocketful of stars

I have forever wondered why men find women so complicated when we are always so overtly vocal about what we want. Cryptic? I mean seriously, how much more clearer do you want us to be than posting ‘likes’ on Facebook or placing post-its in magazines to highlight what we liked. True, we operate on a different wavelength than men but seriously… if they can get gadgets, then understanding women shouldn’t be so much rocket science.

1. You want us to cheer for your team during a big game, we get it... then why is watching a mushy episode of Friends such a bad idea? Ditto with your action thrillers vs our classic B&Ws. Deal? Popcorn’s on us!
2. You love long drives; so do we, so why should stopping on a downhill road overlooking a glittering concrete jungle be so awful? We love doing simple, crazy stuff, remember?
3. Yes, we get it. Rose bouquets are passé, so upgrade to lilies, zaharas, and tulips instead.
4. We love a cup of hot chocolate to warm our freezing hands. You making it is an added bonus.
5. Once in a while we love to binge without counting the calories, so stop staring at us like we ate a monster.
6. We love it when you hug us from behind to whisper in our ear, or hold hands unexpectedly. It’s our one-minute-tour to heaven and back.
7. When we fight, we expect you to call, doesn’t matter who’s at fault.
8. Sometimes all we want is a pocketful of stars. Jimmy Choos should be fine too.
9. Just like you have bad hair days, we have our ‘I’m feeling fat days’ but when we compare our flabby tummies to a Sumo wrestler’s, say nothing.
10. We too take decisions at work, so don’t feel belittled to ask our advice.
11. We need to hear how you feel about us. Often is less. Tell us now!
12. We love surprises, so when we drop hints, take them.
13. We are just as scared of losing our independence as you are. But we don’t run away from commitment like a mad dog, do we?
- NASRIN MODAK

Yes, we flirt

We love gifts. Period. Diamonds, surprise holidays, perfumes, clothes, handbags, shoes. Bring it all on.
We love pets and babies (in that order) from a distance. And, no, we don’t care how adorable they are, we will not clean up after either if they aren’t ours.
We love our ‘girl time’. Respect that and don’t keep calling every ten minutes to check if all is okay.
Big is better. We love big cars (SUVs win hands down).
Road trips are fun, but not on your fancy bikes as pillion riders with tacky helmets.
We love attention. And yes we flirt. But don’t try the same with other women in our presence.
Don’t ever say, ‘I told you so’.
Don’t ever stop us from ordering that one last drink. Even though we may pass out after that.
Don’t expect us to cook ‘just like your mom!’ We didn’t grow up on air and water.
A hot cuppa in our beds in the mornings is just how we like to wake up.
We like our men lean and mean. And we like ourselves with all our curves.
Our birthdays are special events for us. Not just the day, but even the week and the month. Make sure you make it memorable.
- MALVIKA SAH

One soul? Nah!

I was raised in the 1990s. All I care about is what I want. I was nurtured by a couple who lived the ‘free’ life of the 1970s; my views are therefore laced by lofty notions of hippie culture mixed with the fancy frills of the newfound metro-sexuality of the 2000s.

At some tender age, in a candid conversation, someone near to me said, “Darling, a sense of humour is really what we are all looking for.” As trivial as it may sound, I must say it is the hardest to find. By sense of humour I strictly do not mean the ability to crack sloppy jokes over beer and male-bonding....

If I am spending my afternoons lapping up Calvin&Hobbes, I expect you to have even 1/4th of the humour quotient his dad has.

It is obvious you will love me for my breasts. Keep mentioning that to me; you will probably get more benefits in bed. Yes, it’s 2012; accept that I am not a virgin and live with it. I cannot be a pretentious little pious nun, if you need that, look somewhere else. And shall we never discuss pasts? I really don’t care what you have been upto, as long as you here with me right now, not suggesting a threesome!

Also the 3 Ms: Music, Mary Jane, Martinis. I love them all, they form the core part of my existence, either you share the love or simply encourage it…just don’t get too surprised if you wake up to Nancy Sinatra crooning Una Paloma Blanca…I promise to love through your Scotch snobbishness and not accompany you for Sufi concerts.

I do not do adventure sports, I party and pass out and I cannot bear long-winding midnight phone conversations. You should be relieved. We should complement each other and not be one soul, one entity.

I promise to see you through your withering years of erectile dysfunction as long as you respect that I not only like space, but I am absolutely menopausal about it.

We should learn how to love from gay couples. They know it best in their overtly colourful, confident way. I am increasingly meeting men who love to cook, so maybe showing off my cooking skills do not count but in general, I do not need a dedicated puppy. Be a man; smell nice and enjoy dressing well. Oh and P.S. I hate holding hands.
- SOHINI DATTA

Subscribe to Verve Magazine or buy the Verve issue on stands now!